Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!!

Dear Diary,

I know that it has been about a year and a half since my last post and I was so ashamed that I almost decided never to write again.  I’d like my excuse to be that I’ve been really busy.  For the past few years I went through grad school and a first year of teaching.  But the truth is I just didn’t have anything I felt passionate enough to write about.

Then this morning, while listening to NPR, I heard a story that shook me to my core:

Hasbro is changing Monopoly, and replacing the Iron with a fucking Cat! 

According to Good Morning America the whole thing is just a marketing scheme.  Hasbro put up a on their Facebook page a survey where people could vote for their favorite piece.  Apparently the Iron lost, and will no longer be passing Go or collecting $200.

The piece that got the most votes was the Scotty Dog (no fucking surprise there).  I hate to admit it, but as a little girl that was my favorite piece.  But as I got older I came to appreciate the obscurity of the Iron.  I used to alternate between the Iron and the Shoe.  Then one day I realized the genius of the Iron: it has a handle making it the easiest piece to pick up and move.  How have more people not noticed this?!  Perhaps they are all “sliders”, people who slide their piece along the board.  Personally I’m a tapper.  I love the “tap-tap” sound the metal makes as it hits the board while I count up to my new space.

This disgrace is the same as everyone getting together and voting off a member of the Brady Bunch and replacing him/her with Davy Jones.  We all know that Jan would lose, but then someone would become the new hated character.  (It would be Cindy, that lisp has got to go).  My question is:  which piece is going to become the next Iron?  Then what will they replace it with, a Boo dog?

Really I guess I’m just peeved because everyone knows you don’t mess with the classics.  It’s like the 1998 remake of Psycho.  It added nothing to the film world (using the same script just different cast) and made everyone appreciate the original more.  I mean, how many people after watching the remake rushed out and rented the original?  I did, and then I fell in love with it.

Perhaps that’s what Hasbro was after.  They just wanted to stir up the stagnant board game world.  After all they do have me thinking about Monopoly more and it got me to get back into writing after an 18-month hiatus.  I’d like to see the numbers on how many people rushed out today to buy Monopoly, one not tainted with the Cat.  Now perhaps people will have to own 2 sets, an Iron set and a Cat set… doubling their profit.  I guess their stunt was not a bad idea after all…

 

Hugs and kisses till next time!

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Soggy Relationship Blues

Dear Diary,

Have you ever dated someone and broken up with them and years later when reflecting on that relationship wondered why you broke up with them in the first place?  Then one day, because you’re feeling a little lonely give that person a call and they pick up.  You end up hanging out with them and think you may have been crazy for breaking up with them in the first place.  That’s when  they do something awful and you are reminded you made the right choice the first time.  Has that ever happened to you?

Personally this has never happened to me with an actual person, but this is how I am feeling in my current relationship with Seattle.  We’ve been hanging out (I say “hanging out” because we’re not very serious, I’m actually living in a suburb of Seattle) for a few months now.  At first everything was wonderful, Seattle was beautiful and sunny and green.  I was able to enjoy the city the same way I enjoyed New York, with Sunday Fundays, walks in the park, and exploring dive bars.

Lately though, it hasn’t been the same.  It’s as if Seattle has grow too comfortable with me and stopped courting me.  Now he is constantly grumpy and angry and as a result I have grown constantly grumpy and angry.  For almost four weeks now it has done nothing by rain and it’s the second week of June.  This is a little excessive even for Seattle standards!  I did not sign up for this when I moved here.  Yes, it does rain in Seattle, but the constant rain is just a myth we tell people to keep the population down.

Since the weather has been so cold for so long I’ve lost track of the time of year.  Several times I would be getting ready in the morning, putting on my cozy sweater and socks, and think to myself, “Oh yay, Christmas is almost here!  I can’t wait for Rudolf!”  Then it would occur to me that it is June and I still have 6 months until I can break out the mistletoe.

I understand that we all go through tough times of depression but I don’t know how much longer I can deal with Seattle’s mood swings.  Once or twice we would have a beautiful afternoon and I would think, “Oh I guess spring has arrived.”  Then a few hours later it would be pouring rain…

I now catch myself day dreaming of wearing sundresses and perched on a hill in Central Park  wondering if I made the right choice in breaking up with New York.  I long for its hot sticky days and warm nights, but if I had that would I be happy?  Perhaps I would find myself longing for the soggy side of the fence.

Hugs and Kisses Till Next Time!

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A Prescription For Fear

Dear Diary,

I was watching the news today and normally the news makes me angry, but today it made me extra angry and I wasn’t sure why.  As I continued to watch I began noticing that it wasn’t the news itself that was evoking my spurts of anger but rather it was the commercials.  Particularly the commercials for prescription drugs.

I have noticed lately more and more ads for prescription drugs on the airwaves, and I see this causing more and more problems in our society.  Isn’t the purpose of creating a prescription drug to help rid society of sickness.  But by advertising drugs excessively a number of unexpected side effects are occurring.  Here are just a few:

Anxiety:  “Distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune.”  The ads introduce the public to diseases they never even knew about and as a result get they wondering if they have the disease and just don’t know it.

Hypochondria: “An excessive preoccupation with one’s health, usually focusing on some particular symptom.”  After hearing a list of symptoms people start to imagine they have said symptoms.  An example of this is Restless Leg Syndrome, and after working eight hours at an office desk most everyone will think they have it.

Depression: “A combination of symptoms that interfere with a person’s ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy once-pleasurable activities.”  This is caused by the mere thought of getting older.  According to the commercials, our bones will fall apart, we will have to pee all the time, we won’t be able to get it up, we will have constant heartburn, and are all doomed to be depressed.

After careful analysis I realized the prescription drug industry is a lot more devious than I originally thought.  On the surface it seems the purpose of their ads are to keep people informed about new products when really their ads alone create a need for their product.  Very tricky!

But I have out smarted the drug industry.  Instead of rushing out to buy drugs to help ease the above symptoms I’ll just stop watching the news.  It is true what they say, ignorance is bliss.  But then again who will inform me when the next H1N1 breakout hits?

Hugs and kisses till next time!

**All definitions are accurate because I found them on the internet– WebMD to be precise.

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Hell Is Freezing and Filled With Food

Dear Diary,

I hate the grocery store. Ever since I was a small child going with my Ma to today where I dash in and out as quickly as possible, grocery shopping has been the most annoying chore I’ve ever done…. yes, even worse than cleaning out the hamster cage.

I don’t just arbitrarily hate the grocery store, I have valid reasons. When I was younger grocery shopping was equivalent to a trip to the dentist. Walking slowly through the aisles as my Ma asked me what I wanted for dinner, and I’d always say, “Eggrolls.” (She makes the best handmade eggrolls from leftover pork!) And she would reply, “Oh honey, you know that’s too complex. How about meatloaf?” So frustrating! She knew I hated meatloaf. But I’d always agree because I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

But it didn’t end there. Once “we” decided on what to eat she had to analyze every possible ingredient. What meat was the leanest, which breadcrumbs had the lowest fat content, which catchup has the least fat (at the time my Pa was really into the Fit or Fat Program). Then there was the corn… had to peel back a little of every ear, compare the color and healthiness of the kernels. Then came the squeezing of the tomatoes, followed by the onions, then just as we are about to move on past the vegetables she’d realize she forgot the zucchini and have to go all the way back to the front of the veggie section. The Horror! The Horror of it all!

Now that I’m older I am in charge of the grocery shopping, but I still hate it with a passion. I dash in and out as quickly as possible, not taking the time to look at brands or prices or fat content. I’m just frustrated by the whole process and here’s the top five reasons why:

1. Grocery stores are cold. I hate being cold. It makes me cranky and uncomfortable… even in the summer when it is sweltering outside, I loath the chill of the grocery store. The worst stores are the ones with the walk in freezer section. Really is it necessary to have a whole room devoted to coldness? Because that can’t be comfortable for anyone!

2. Groceries are heavy. I don’t own a car so whatever I buy I have to be able to carry it home. So to ensure that I don’t buy more than I can carry home I use a basket rather than a cart and baskets are not easy to carry. The design of the baskets make them unbearable to carry and they cut off the circulation in your arm! Torture! The worst is waiting in line, because in New York there is always a huge line at every grocery store. Once I can no longer feel my arm I do the “push drag” with the basket and my feet, resulting in a horrible scraping sound like nails on a chalk board. Then once you reach check out you have everything packed up you still have to carry it the million blocks home.

3. Grocery stores are also disappointingly expensive and everything you buy from there is gone in about a week! And it’s most depressing when you buy good fruits or veggies and they go bad… so sad, it breaks my little heart.

4. The smell. This may be New York specific but all grocery stores smell horrible. There isn’t a universal grocery store stench, it seems each store has it’s own unique stink. One always smells like vomit and another mold and another dog food. I’m buying my food here, I want the store I buy my food in to smell delicious, not rancid!

5. It’s effing cold. I really hate the cold.

Now there is one bright side to the grocery store:

The music! The grocery store always plays a good solid mix of songs! You’ll hear the N’Sync song that you haven’t heard since Jr. High followed by a Fleetwood Mac and then they’ll totally surprise you by busting out the theme from Happy Days. So good! You always leave with a bazaar song in your head and not quite sure where it came from… then it comes back to you… the grocery store.

Hugs and kisses till next time!

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