Putting Off Till Tomorrow

Dear Diary,

As you may or may not know, I am a procrastinator.  Personally I find this surprising because, deep down at my core, I am a major planner.  I like to plan out every detail of an event before it occurs.  If I’m driving somewhere I’ve never been before I plan out the exact route and an alternate route just in case Google Maps is behind the times.

So how can a planner, like myself, be a procrastinator?  The answer is, I plan my procrastinating.  I intentionally put off for tomorrow what I can do today.  Take for example, right now.  I am currently procrastinating while writing a blog about procrastinating.  I have a school project to complete, it’s almost done, but I can’t bring myself to finish it because I still have the rest of the night to work on it.  It’s too early for me to be done with it.

Even though I understood how I procrastinate I was puzzled as to why I do it, then it hit me.  By putting off my tasks I am avoiding my biggest fear: BOREDOM.  I can’t possibly be bored if I have something else I should be doing.  Anytime I think to myself, “I’m bored” I hear my mother’s voice in my head, “Only boring people are bored.”   Even though, logically,  I know boredom does not mean I’m boring, it just means I’m feeling too lazy to stir up some trouble, it still frightens me.

I may be an expert procrastinator, but I still tend to find myself in a pickle from time to time.  I flub up somehow and am left scrambling at the last-minute.  I do this often enough that I am even dreaming about it.  The other night I had a dream I was throwing a party for my friends because aliens were going to come and visit me.  I had grand plans for these aliens and I thought I was doing fine on time so I went and goofed off with my buddies.  The next I knew my cooking wasn’t done and I ran out of time so I couldn’t curl my hair for the aliens.

I believe that people can change… but only if they really want to change.  Apparently I don’t want to change because I’m sitting here writing this blog.  Then again perhaps procrastinating is my way to keep my life exciting.  After all, every great action movie has a ticking clock.

Hugs and kisses till next time!

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What’s your favorite _____?

Dear Diary,

I’m currently in my room listening to a conversation my roommates are having in the living room.  They are talking about their favorite food.  Immediately when the question pops up I shout out “Ice cream!”.  No response.  Then I hear one of my roommates say, “I don’t know what my favorite food is…”  All of them had to think for a few minutes before coming up with an answer.

Now it wasn’t their answers that baffled me (although cashews and zuchinni were a bit odd) it was the fact that they didn’t know.  “What’s your favorite food?” is a common question, so I have a top three waiting in the wings.  Anytime I try a new food I contemplate on whether I have to change my top three.

It disappoints me that I often find myself in this situation, you ask someone their favorite ___ and they have no answer.  Case and point:  Movies.  Now I work in the entertainment industry so I am surrounded by people who know and love movies.  Also we constantly judge one another on their movie taste, so it is only natural that one would have at least their top three decided.  But alas, I am constantly let down by my peers.  Often the answer is, “I just like so many different types, I can’t pick just one.”   Bullshit.  You can at least widdle it down to a top three, movies that you make you feel good, that you enjoy watching over and over and adequately  portray who you are as a person.

The type of things people enjoy tells a lot about a person.  For example, my top three books (in no particular order):

• Jurassic Park – Dinosaurs are cool.  Michael Crichton can’t write a beautiful sentence to save his life but he can tell and inventive and entertaining story.  What this says about me:  I have no shame in bad fiction, like to be entertained, and appreciate original ideas.
• Down and Out In Paris And London – It’s an amusing story filled with bazaar characters and brings me into the world of Paris and London in the 1900s.  What this says about me: I like to read the classics and love good obscure characters.
• In Cold Blood – A haunting story that gets inside the minds of two brutal killers and finds the humanity in the most despicable characters.  What this says about me:  I have a dark side.

It surprises me that people don’t think of these thing, but spend so much time thinking about their image.  I mean aren’t your favorites part of your image?  Just like your image it doesn’t define you completely, but it does show part of who you are.  It says more about you than your jeans or curly hair, yet people rarely take the time to think about these things.

Then again, I do realize that I am an over thinker and an over-planner, so maybe I’m the only one who judges people on these things.  Maybe I need to change that, and not be as prepared for these questions… really what does my planning say about my image?

Hugs and kisses till next time!

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No Me Gusta…

Dear Diary,

At the end of my South American travels I had a 14 hour layover in Lima.  I wasn’t sure what I’d do with my time since I would be alone and had no money. So I took a cab into the city prepared to wander about.

After a few hours of heat, dodging cops in riot gear, and an attempted pick-pocketing I decided to seek refuge in the park.  After all I love parks and had a good book I was working on.  A stress free way to enjoy Lima.

Little did I know that Lima’s parks suck!  They are beautifu but impossible to enjoy and here’s why:

• It is filled with lush green grass, but you are forbidden to sit on, and if you do a little man will run up and and blow a whistle at you.
• There is almost no shady benches.  The few that are they have are occupied with teenagers making out.
• There is nice Peruvian music playing in the background… but only one song that is on a two minute repeat.
• The constant whistle screeching from the guard on the power trip never goes away!
• There are sprinklers that not only go on in the middle of the day (which any gardener will tell you is the worse time to water), but they go on without warning and as a result you get soaked and all your stuff get soaked as well.  So not only are you all wet but are forced to give up the shady seat you acquired by waiting for the shade to come to you.

Maybe I just miss Central Park.  Then again it is covered in frost this time of year… perhaps Lima’s parks aren’t so bad.

Hugs and kisses till next time!

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A Disappointed Heart and Cold Tummy

Dear Diary,

Today I had my heart broken.

Fall is officially in the air in New York. The air is still warm but there is a slight chill about. As someone who loves the summer months and hates winter the cooling of the weather saddens my soul. But the one thing that can warm it up is a hot cup of caramel apple cider! Yummmy!

So after an important (aka boring) meeting I decided to pop into Starbucks and have my first caramel apple cider of the year. After waiting in an obnoxiously long line due to the incompetent employee, I ordered a tall cup of deliciousness. And I waited… and waited… and waited. Finally the incompetent employee yells at me, “We don’t have that.” My response, “What?” After many irritating exchanges I determined they no longer have apple cider and who knows if they will ever because heaven forbid the employee know anything about the store she works in. So I asked for a refund and promptly left.

As a girl from Seattle, I love Starbucks. It’s in my genes. There is something in me that allows me to find the nearest Starbucks; I can be in the middle of the desert and be able to sniff out the nearest Starbucks, even if it means traveling hundreds of miles. No matter where I am I can always depend on Starbucks to make me feel at home and shelter me from the cruel world by providing my soul with caffeine.

So when Starbucks broke my heart by taking away my fall favorite I was devastated. I returned to work and poured my disappointed heart out to my coworker and friend. Like any good friend she tried to mend the situation. You see my building is located above a trendy market that is filled with restaurants, bakeries, and other yummy food shops. She seemed to remember seeing people with hot apple cider roaming the halls of the market. So we ventured out to find the perfect combination of applily warmth and caramel sweetness.

We wanted to do a thorough search so we hit up every shop in the market. We went everywhere, from the organic place to the milk bar to the bakeries. No apple cider could be found, the market was bare. We received a few blank looks and some “Sorry we don’t have it yet.” To which I replied, “But it’s prime apple picking season!” I guess the apples have been picked but not smooshed yet.

When we reached the end of the market without any sign of apple cider my heart was broken. Together we shuffled back to the front of the market. Just when I thought all hope was lost I saw a sight that made it all better:

Jude Law walking towards me with his gay assistant! At first I didn’t know if it was him, but then I heard him speak and that sultry British voice could only belong to one person, Jude Law! Then just when I thought it couldn’t get any better he made eye contact with me! (Well at least I thought he did… I was wearing my glasses and couldn’t see too well.)

Then he passed and the moment was over. My friend didn’t even notice him, so after he passed I told her and we hid in the corner and peeked out at him. We then decided to park it on a stool and see if he would double back through the market. He stopped at a cash machine and looked at the basket store and then exited out the back and just like that Jude was out of my life.

So I guess the moral of the story is: Don’t worry if you can’t find your favorite fall drink because something good is bound to come out of your sorrow. Jude Law will appear and make it all better.

Hugs and Kisses till next time!

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Bathroom Conspiracy

Dear Diary,

I’m not one for conspiracies. I don’t believe that the government is out there giving up Americans to aliens or working with the Russians to rule the world. I generally believe people are good and want to help out those around them. But I am convinced that there is some sort of conspiracy to expose the women of my office to the world while they pee. Let me explain:

There are three stalls in the women’s restroom and the last stall, the handicap stall, is on the end and from about 4 feet off the ground to the ceiling is all windows. The windows face the street and you can see into the windows of the office building across the street. So naturally if the shade was up they’d be able to see me pee. Normally the shade is down except for a small crack (which is nice, because who doesn’t like a little view while using the loo).

But lately every time I use that stall (which is often because I like the extra room) the shade is up. And every time I go I close it. But day after day it is open again. What is going on?

I don’t think another girl is opening it, because why would they? Maybe they dropped the kiddies off at the pool and want to air it out? But the window is always open anyway, and the shade is light and allows air to flow through. So here’s my theory:

I think our cleaning guy is getting a sum of money from some pervert in an office across the street. This is how I see the deal going down (in screenplay format):

FADE IN:

INT. OFFICE BUILDING LOBBY – NIGHT

PERVERT (50’s) in a black trench coat stands behind a column next to the elevator. The elevator opens and a dirty and stoned CLEANING GUY (20’s) shuffles out of the elevator. At the sight of Cleaning Guy the Pervert jumps out in front of him causing the Cleaning Guy to jump.

CLEANING GUY
Dude, I don’t have any money. I

can give you my jacket, but then I’d be cold

and that would suck.

PERVERT
I don’t want to rob you. I have a proposition

for you.

CLEANING GUY
I work through a company, you have

to contact them to get my services.

PERVERT
I don’t want you to clean for me,

I was thinking something else.

CLEANING GUY
I know, but for my other services

too you gotta contact my “company”, his

name is Crystal Rock.

PERVERT
It’s simpler than that. I just need

you to do something in the girls bathroom

every night. Open up the shade in the handicap stall.

CLEANING GUY
Why?

PERVERT
You don’t need to know.

CLEANING GUY
You work across the street don’t you.

My buddy Phil works that building

and has seen your office. Like the

Asians? I hear you have a nice collection.

PERVERT
So will you do it?

CLEANING GUY
I don’t know man, it objectifies women.

PERVERT
Not really, I’m the only one who will see. It’s not like I’m selling–

CLEANING GUY
I’m just kidding man. The bitch who runs the

office is alway getting all over my ass

for not properly cleaning the women’s

bathroom. It’s a bathroom, they aren’t

suppose to be clean. She almost got my

ass fired once.

PERVERT
So you’ll do it?

CLEANING GUY
How much?

PERVERT
$150 a month.

CLEANING GUY

Dude, have you ever heard of a porn

subscription. You can get a lifetime subscription

for $9.95, but it’s your money.

PERVERT
It’s not the same.

CLEANING GUY
Deal.

Pervert opens up his trench coat a bit and reaches into his pocket. Under the trench coat is nothing but bare skin. Cleaning Guy sees this and covers his eyes.

CLEANING GUY
Dude!

PERVERT
Oh sorry! I’m heading to the park after this.

Pervert hands Cleaning Guy the money.

CLEANING GUY

Going to the park now? Wanna

share a cab? Business is good

there on hot summer nights like tonight.

PERVERT
Works for me.

The two exit together.

FADE OUT

I know this totally happened! I should get him fired!

Hugs and Kisses till next time!

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Dusting Off Their Dreams

For the past week or so I have been America’s #1 fan. Many factors have made me feel this way. It started with the Olympics (yay Shawn Johnson and Michael Phelps) and then continued with my recent trip to our nation’s capitol and visiting Mr. Washington’s house. Our country provides people with such unique opportunities to achieve their dreams.

Scott Bonge is the perfect example of someone “dusting off their dreams” and overcoming trials and tribulations to make their dream come true.

Scott Bonge’s dream arose from his frustration with his facial hair. As you can tell from the above picture Scott sports the goatee (rather well in my opinion). But every morning Scott would be faced with the daunting challenge of making his goatee symmetrical. So one day Scott thought to himself, “Well if I have this problem then other men must have the same problem?” With that he began the creation of various prototypes built out of everything from Play-Doh to Popsicle sticks in an attempt to create the perfect goatee template. And this is the final result:

Now I understand that this idea might seem a little off the wall to some, but it really works and the entire world is catching on. Scott was recently on the Tonight Show and is now touring across the country! For the tour Scott has even started a blog. Here is an excerpt from one of Scott’s blogs from the road:

“I was driving today just outside Albuquerque, NM on my way to Phoenix and looked across the beautiful landscape to see 18 wheeler trucks faithfully moving to their destinations. I would like to express my thanks to all the men and women who help make American enterprise work by getting goods to their destinations. I have a good friend who drives trucks and I know it is hard, sometimes thankless work.”

As you can tell Scott is a true American who genuinely appreciates all aspects of America and what makes it function so seamlessly.

As I dove deeper into his website and tour info I discovered that in a little less than a week this fine specimen of American ingenuity will be in New York City! I immediately began to formulate a plan to go see him, but when I tried to find more information on where he would be presenting none could be found. So in my perplexity I continued to sift through Scott’s blogs to find some answer to when he would be in New York. Then I found this:

“I am very grateful to be alive and without any body damage, but today I was hit by an 18 wheeler and my car will not drive. It will take two to three weeks to get it fixed. I am currently looking for a way back to Arkansas. I truly believe that all things happen for a reason. Sometimes we don’t know why, but they do have a reason.“

The irony of it all! Scott’s tour was destroyed by the very thing that he once admired. But this didn’t phase him, the tour will continue after his car is fixed. He has such a good attitude about it all! And it is because of his optimistic attitude that I’m really pulling for his invention to be a success. If I had facial hair I would use it. If I could grow facial hair I would grow a goatee just to try it out. If you have a goatee please try it out and report back!

I would like to encourage everyone to explore his website: http://goateesaver.com/
I will be checking his blog for updates and perhaps a revised tour schedule. So stay tuned.

Hugs and kisses till next time!

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The Communication Conundrum

Dear Diary,

There are too many forms of communication in the world today and it’s complicating my life and hurting people’s feelings. It used to be the only way to communicate with someone was through a face to face conversation. If you wanted to talk to someone you would go find them to talk to them. But as soon as humans discovered writing it went downhill from there. First came letter writing, then phone conversations and now we’re just mixing it all. People can have face to face communication over the internet and write through the phone.

To prove just how complex communication has become here are the top ten ways of communicating:

1. Telephone (home phone and cell)
2. Texting
3. Email
4. Instant Messenger
5. Facebook
6. MySpace (totally different from Facebook)
7. Picture Messaging
8. Video Conferencing
9. Fax
10. Sign Language

Too many options have made communication unnecessarily complex in all aspects of one’s life. Whether it is in your personal life or professional it is all so confusing. In my line of work I have to communicate with multiple people and each person prefers a different form of communication. My boss likes email yet one of my coworkers never checks his email so I have to call him. And then there is the lady from accounting who prefers fax… totally bogus. It takes me about the same amount of time to go hunt them down and talk to them as it would to figure out how to get a hold of them.

It’s all a little ridiculous. But at least for work everyone is up front on how to communicate. In your personal life however, things can start to get sticky because no one can agree on what is best. I remember when my only problem was dealing with bad phone people. (You know, the people who’s conversation is filled with one word answers and long awkward silence.) But now we have so many forms of communication there are so many ways to be bad at something. For example:

Bad Texters: Use their T9 function but don’t proof read what they are writing: “Hey arm whats us? Did you deed the act?” Translation: “Hey bro whats up? Did you feed the cat?” That’s just one form of bad texting… I feel a whole other post coming on about texting- stay tuned.

Bad MySpacer: The one who only leaves you messages complaining about how you never leave them messages. Example: “Hey girl! How ya doin? We never talk anymore, message me and we’ll hang out!!!!” Always filled with excessive “!”.

Bad Faxer: Dials your phone line with a fax machine so it repeatedly calls you and it blasts that annoying noise in your ear. Thank goodness faxing is going out of style.

I can’t expect everyone to be good at all forms of communication; that’s not where the real problem lies. The problem is that with all these forms of communication people’s feeling are getting hurt! Here’s what happens:

A hierarchy of communication is coming into place but it isn’t universal. I have witnessed fights break out between couples because they both have different opinions on how to communicate. I’ve seen girls freak out because their “bf” only texted to make dinner plans and didn’t call.

Here’s how it goes, “Why didn’t he call… does he not like hearing my voice? Does he think I’m shrill? I mean because he should call because I’m his girlfriend, we’ve been together six months, we’re at the calling point… we’re totally past texting. Last week he didn’t text me at all, it was all calling. Maybe we’re going backwards, maybe he’s gonna break up with me tonight. I can’t be dumped; I’ll have to break up with him first.”

My response, “Why don’t you just call him?”

Her response, “I can’t do that! Then I might come across as suffocating him.”

My response: Turn and walk away.

The guy’s real reason for texting and not calling, “Dude, I was in a meeting all day.”

Okay, I understand that this might be a little extreme, but this crap has happened to everyone. Relationships are made even more complicated if you use multiple types of communication. I have one friend who only communicates via text, so I expect nothing more from him. No feelings are hurt there.

Perhaps the solution is that I need to limit each my friends to one type of communication… categorize them… let them know they are being categorized… make a colorful Excel spreadsheet and carry it around everywhere with me. When I first meet someone they have to tell me their preferred form of communication and I’ll record it.

Then again if I did that I might come across as excessively anal and no one would want to communicate with me…

…oh well.

Hugs and kiss till next time!

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